Maybe there could be a social network tuned for the lonely. One that helps them become unlonely by fostering real-life relationships and that isn't overtly remedial. I don't know how this would be executed though. How does an online service push people into socializing offline? (Yes, I'm one of those crazy Luddites who thinks there is no substitute for personal, face-to-face interaction.)
It's a great idea if you can figure out how to make it work; you aim for users that are lonely and want to stop being lonely and create situation to get them involved with other, similar people.
And somehow make sure the loneliness doesn't spread to make an entire community of even more miserable people.
So a few challenges to overcome, but a nice core idea.
But most people are just awful. Especially negative, lonely people.
Kidding, but that's the kind of thinking that makes lonely people what they are. Its like depression; when you have it, it feels just too hard to do anything about it.
The undue emphasis on superficial happiness dissuades people with a healthy range of emotions. I inherited a melancholy disposition from my parents and tend to gloss over it socially. People don't know what to do with it, and that is their fault, as I can only be myself. This creates a strange tension: do they like me when life is good, or all the time? This tension is exacerbated further by being relatively young (28), single (meaning I should always be auditioning for a mate, or something), and, worst of all, existing within a culture (Christianity) that prizes the "has it all together" facade.
My response to all this is learning the games that make up surface-level social interactions and getting good at them. It is definitely faking it, but sometimes you stumble on someone who can talk and listen in equal amounts, at which point I know I can cut the bullshit.
I love that this has gotten so well-known. Tanya is from my hometown and it's fantastic to see a member of our arts community make an imprint on the world like she has.
1. If this is true, whatever mechanism the loneliness uses to spread is probably also the cue for some people to disengage. You know, when things get kinda rough and you talk to people, they sort of pull back a little, as if you don't have as much to offer. They somehow know something's up...probably from a slew of very subtle nonverbal cues.
2. I've often felt that Facebook creates more loneliness because it encourages a sort of fake, communal happiness. People generally want to put their best foot forward since their thoughts are broadcast immediately to everyone. And if someone deviates from this often enough they're shunned. I really don't know what the solution is, other than to not use Facebook. It's almost like FB has a spiritual 'cost' associated with it.
I've noticed this effect on Facebook as well. And the effect seems to be more pronounced among those who visit as much as three or four times a day.
Specifically you can see status updates shift wildly from "I'm so happy! My life is awesome!" to "Why can't people just stop talking behind my back!?", often over the course of only a few days.
I get the feeling some people have inadvertently allowed DB to replace their social lives. And FB is replete with empty social promises ("we should hang out sometime"). I can see that resulting in the social mistrust the article's talking about.
When I am on FB too much, I sometimes get the feeling I am looking through a window at social scenes in which I am conspicuously absent. I am sometimes invited to participate, but I can always feel the fake "here's my card" element in the invitations. I don't get that feeling on other social networks --HN, for example--even though I think I have less common ground with the brilliant people here on HN than I do on Facebook. What do you think it is about Facebook, specifically, that creates that feeling?
> When I am on FB too much, I sometimes get the feeling I am looking through a window at social scenes in which I am conspicuously absent.
Absolutely. You get the distinct feeling that you are watching other people enjoying life instead of actually having fun in your own life. In the times I am on FB too much, I know, at some level, that I'm looking to connect more meaningfully with people. But I'm confusing knowing about someone with having a relationship with that person. It's like pornography for the shy. And, just like pornography, it also feels so...empty. There's a certain social code that prohibits you from simply striking up conversation randomly with "friends" on a status update. I mean, you can, but it is risky.
Facebook is vanity, pure and simple. It is your personal PR machine. Ideas are not valued as they are, they're always filtered by what your "friends" think of you. More anonymous sites, such as HN, fare better in this regard. The demographics of the users also have a huge effect. FB will be abuzz with something like football teams winning/losing, but few will put up anything you wouldn't find on a generic, boring web portal, such as MSN. The "Like" feature only reinforces this lowest common denominator conformity.
I regularly question my use of the site. In subsequent stages of life I can easily see myself not having an account at all. I can only hope their walled garden approach fails somehow, because my generation is not smart enough to wake up from the always-connected narcotic that is web 2.0.
It depends what prompts the feeling of 'loneliness' and how people interpret it. From what the article seems to say is that it was a self reported metric of '# of days I felt "lonely" in the last week'. They found that those close to those feeling lonely were loney as well.
If we interpret loneliness as an expected social interaction that doesn't take place -- then of course if one person refused to reciprocate or contact their friend, neighbour, or family member that other person will feel lonely, perhaps rejected in some way. So that's the "expected a social interaction that didn't take place" if then that person refuses to engage in social interactions then it turns into a sort of a network effect.
Co-operating with someone to achieve something worthwhile - whether productively, as in work; or pleasantly, as in play - is a good building block.